Today I am questioning why people make such horrible choices. There are so many questions and thoughts racing through my head, but they all boil down to: Why did Adam Lanza decide to go into an elementary school and start shooting children?
I know that people have free agency to make their own choices, but it's never so hard to accept that doctrine as it is when terrible things like this happen. It doesn't lead me to question why God lets it happen, though, because I have faith that He is there. He is comforting those children now. He will comfort the families as much as He can. He weeps as much as we do over these terrible events, yet still he allows us all to keep our free agency - no matter how much it hurts.
A mass shooting is always a terrible event. I don't understand the thinking that leads someone to decide that is the course they should take. But as the mother of young children, this one hits even harder. I have a kindergartener. And for all that he drives me crazy at times, I would be devastated if anything were to happen to him. Since hearing the news of the CT shooting, all I can do is wonder What If.
What if it were my child's school? What if it were my child's classroom? What if it was my child? I am in tears. I am shaking and queasy and so, so sad. I can't imagine what the parents of those children are going through.
I don't know if we'll ever have answers to our questions about today's terrible tragedy. We may never know why Lanza decided to do this horrible thing. I wish we could know. I wish that knowledge would help us stop this from ever happening to another school, another family, another community.
I cannot find the answers. I cannot do anything to help from the opposite side of the country. But I can leave work to go see my babies and hug them all so tight. I can say a prayer of gratitude that I am still able to hold my family close. And I can love them with all my might every single day.
Excuse me while I go do that.